Why I Buy Myself Flowers
I was sat in my therapist's room (Karen) a few years ago and I was probably at one of my lowest points. I felt completely overwhelmed, I felt terrible about myself and I was in a constant state of anxiety and depression.
Karen turned to me and she said, "Shareen, you really need to self-care right now". This was something she had said before, but I never really knew what it meant. I'm the kind of person who likes to research things before I try them and I like set processes. But I couldn't find such a thing for self-care. There was a mish mash of information online, in books and various articles but there was nothing specific, no step by step way of self-caring. In fact, there wasn't even a definition I could find!
This was frustrating because I wanted to self-care so bad, I wanted to stop feeling low and anxious. I wanted this all to just end and feel better. But I didn't know how!
So the next week, I returned to Karen's office and I said, "I don't know how to self-care. I have looked everywhere and I can't find anything that defines what self-care is and how you do it". Probably a bit like a petulant teenager. My arms were crossed, my legs were crossed and I was pissed that she sent me off on this wild goose chase with a promise that I'll feel better which came up empty!
She said, "Shareen, maybe this is something that you don't research, maybe this is something that you just do"...I think this infuriated me even more - I really don't like it when people talk in riddles. I like a good, proper, organised process or a set of instructions. How do you just do something??
So, off I went in search of self-care...Without searching. And then it came to me. Whenever someone else feels bad, I buy them gifts. Something to enjoy. So, maybe I should try giving myself a gift?
I walked into ASDA and had a little look around for something that I would like to buy myself as a gift. Either things were too pricy or I felt like they were too much of a treat, like it was too big or too good for me. Buying myself a new bottle of perfume that I really wanted?? No thanks, I'll manage...
I had had enough, clearly buying myself a gift wasn't working out for me. As I was walking out the exit, on the right hand side, I noticed bunches of flowers....FLOWERS! That's what I'll buy myself.
A few days later, I approached my local florist and asked to set up a 2 weekly delivery of flowers. Any flowers, but they had to be white (my new favourite colour). And so the first delivery arrived. This big bouquet of gorgeous smelling flowers on my doorstep. I looked into the bouquet and admired all the different flowers and the different scents from each one. And I cried.
Why did I cry? Because for the first time in my life, I felt good, I felt happy, I felt like I truly loved myself.
This. This is what self-care is. I had found it. Finally!
And now, I keep getting my 2 weekly deliveries - even during the pandemic (my florist is awesome!). I split the flowers up, pop them into 10 different vases and put them around my home to enjoy. And to remind myself that I am loved - by me.
Lots of Love.