Building A Relationship With Yourself
Just like any relationship, building and maintaining a relationship with yourself can be challenging for many reasons. Some of us don't love ourselves, some of us cannot connect with ourselves and some of us don't know where to start.
So let's begin with a relationship with another. A successful and healthy relationship with another needs the following to thrive:
Compassion, acceptance and trust
Gratitude and showing appreciation
Keeping things interesting
Spending time together
I'm sure most of us have come across these core relationship lessons in one way or another but did you know that these can also be applied and followed in building a relationship with yourself? Unfortunately, you don't just wake up one day and then you have this amazing relationship with yourself. It takes work, it takes discipline and it takes lots of time and love, just like any other relationship. And these lessons are a great way to begin.
In order to have a good relationship with ourselves, we need to be able to communicate with ourselves. Listening to and understanding our thoughts and emotions. Acknowledging and accepting the way we feel, whether we want to feel this way or not. Also, being able to decipher signs from our bodies, for example, when it is tired, hungry or in pain.
Communication can be expression too. Expressing yourself, your thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs.
A lot of us have high standards for ourselves. We strive for perfection and then beat ourselves up when we feel like we haven't obtained it. We have to learn to be realistic in our expectations of ourselves and what we can or cannot achieve.
Compassion, Acceptance and Trust
Instead of beating ourselves up, having compassion for ourselves and showing self-acceptance will go a long way. Talking to ourselves like we would to those around us rather than giving ourselves a hard time and being judgemental can make all the difference. A lot of the time, when we are mad, we are mad at ourselves. We judge ourselves harshly. Punish ourselves. However, when we are able to accept ourselves and our short comings, mistakes and actively show ourselves compassion, and say to ourselves that it's OK, we will see a big difference in ourselves, in our mood and our temperament. Being able to create a safe space for ourselves will ultimately build trust and reassurance. We will be less focussed on being rejected by others and we will begin to love, trust and rely on ourselves instead.
The big one. We need to love ourselves. Actively showing love to ourselves. Whatever this means to you. Whether this be giving yourself gifts, spending time with yourself, giving yourself a nice loving hug or giving yourself complements. Whatever showing love means to you, do it.
Gratitude and Showing Appreciation
Be grateful for yourself. You are incredible. Just the way you are. Appreciate all the things you do for yourself, when you do it and be grateful for everything you have in your life.
We all have needs. Focussing on our needs and what we want for ourselves and from life will give us the happiness we are looking for. Tending to our own needs on a daily basis, bit by bit, will grow the relationship we have with ourselves. As we listen to our thoughts, our emotions and our physical needs, we are able to fulfil those needs ourselves, in turn, creating a happier, more satisfied self.
Keeping things interesting
We all want excitement in our lives. Why not create excitement for yourself. A bit of self exploration, adventure or learning. Whether this be trying out a new hobby, going somewhere new or a little pamper. Keeping things interesting and having fun with yourself will help you to connect with yourself.
Spend time with yourself! Get to know yourself. Understand yourself. Be your own best friend. Have a fun solo date, have a nice quiet pamper or simply cuddle up in a corner with a coffee and enjoy the peace.
Showing up for yourself is another big one. Many of us have this battle in our minds with our negative thoughts - especially if you suffer with anxiety. Being able to hear these thoughts and actively defend and be positive about yourself will change your life. You will feel lighter, you will feel happier and you will feel loved as a result.
Showing up for yourself can also be justifying yourself, your feelings and opinions to others. Creating boundaries and other self preserving actions. It is also the way you create trust in yourself. The more you believe in yourself and show up for yourself, you build trust in yourself.
In addition, if you made plans with yourself for a solo date, keep this in your diary and follow through! The first thing we put aside is ourselves and our time for us. In order to strengthen your relationship, show up!
YES. Self respect. In order to have a successful and happy relationship with ourselves, we need to respect ourselves. We need to see ourselves as worthy. We need to know that we are deserving. And that it is OK to respect ourselves. Make room for ourselves in this world. Without self-respect, there is no relationship.
Building a loving relationship with ourselves is our key to a happy and fulfilling life. Self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-love are able to blossom inside of you, creating beauty from within yourself.
Love yourself, accept yourself and be yourself because you cannot be anyone else. You are you.
Lots of love,